Believing in Good

By Rachel Aubrey | Published September 21, 2011

SubwayI’m on the subway this morning. My usual commute from Brooklyn into Manhattan. It’s about 9am and business is as usual. About half way to work, a man walked onto the train and made the following announcement:

“Good morning Ladies and Gentlemen. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day. This morning, I’m going to sing you a song. If you enjoy the song, your donations are appreciated. And by donations, I don’t only mean money, but also a smile or a kind gesture.”

(Hmm, I’d never heard that before …)

The man proceeded to go into a crackly rendition of Ben E. King’s song Stand by Me. After he sang, I watched him walk up and down that subway car, just smiling. I gave him both a dollar and a smile, and then, I watched as he did something pretty uncommon in these situations. He made complete eye contact with me with a big smile on his face and said thank you as he reached out and shook my hand. Uncontrollably, smiled a really big smile right back.

As other commuters walked by, they smiled too and he said to them, “Thank you for smiling!” He reached out and shook the hand of anyone that smiled and thanked them for doing so.

In just a matter of the few minutes it takes between train stops, I’d bet he made a few people’s mornings. I have lived in NY for almost ten years and have seen my fair share of subway performers, those looking for handouts, and of course—the wild nuts of the bunch. But I have never really seen someone on the subway quite like this, just radiating kindness.

It would be easy to take the skeptical route. I know New York City well and I could certainly assume that his positivity is “just part of a plan.” But, as we all know, assumptions break one of the Four Agreements. I’m choosing to believe in the warmth I felt, the kindness I have inside of me, and the gestures of others that can change someone’s day … and in this case—mine. It’s always those little moments that nudge your spirit and remind you that’s it’s wonderful to be alive and to be grateful for all the gifts around you.

So, although this morning’s commute was nothing extraordinary, it certainly was a positive nudge to kick off what’s to be a great day! It moved me to share this story and to nudge you too. To remind you to choose to believe in good. It doesn’t make you gullible, it simply makes you happier. As I write this, I think of Eddie Rodriguez, founder of Smile and Wave America. Eddie is part of the Morning Coach community. He is a shining example of kindess and a true inspiration. You may have heard his story or even be a friend. Eddie has persevered through heart wrenching struggles, and instead of letting those struggles take him down, he created a movement of happiness. He has dedicated his life to smiling and waving from the goodness of his heart in an effort to make the world a happier, kinder place.

So have a wonderful day, everyone. Be kind. Feel the kindness of others. Be grateful. Believe in good things. And of course, don’t forget to smile!

Rachel Aubrey is a personal development coach, entrepreneur, and an award-winning graphic designer with over a decade of experience in business, branding, and marketing. Her experiences and ongoing commitment to self-growth and development have led her to her passion of helping others unlock their true potential and achieve success through coaching. Connect with Rachel online!

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Productivity: Identifying What Works for “You”

By Rachel Aubrey | Published April 21, 2011

Know YourselfHere in the Morning Coach community, we focus heavily on getting our minds right every day. We work hard to remove the conditioning instilled in us by society. Things like the media, people’s opinions, and other outside sources that blast us with ideals and try to place us into some convoluted definition the “norm.” It’s challenging to resist every aspect of this conditioning, and even more challenging to identify all of the ways it affects our lives. You know as well as I do that no two people are alike. The word individual exists for a reason. We are all wonderfully unique with different talents, personalities, and specific styles of learning, organizing, and producing.

We all have varying levels of productivity as well as different tools and resources that we use to help us get things done. Over the past ten years, technology has made things even easier by taking a grand step toward personalization and convenience. The development of impressively adaptable products and services certainly help us organize and complete things faster and smarter. But, there is still a generalization. The things that work for some of us, don’t work for others. Technology and systems are wonderful tools and we all need systems and tools to help us be productive and accomplish our tasks. But, these resources can only help us at a maximum level after we understand how we function best and what works for us, as individuals.

Satisfaction with our own levels of productivity begin with an understanding of who we are and how we learn, from the inside. That means stepping outside of the “norm,” ignoring outside expectations, and accepting how we naturally perform. When it comes to producing effectively, we need to identify where we personally fit into this dynamic world versus how it wants to fit us. Productivity is essential. It’s the action and moves us forward towards our goals and dreams. We are all striving to accomplish great things and succeed by our own definitions. But, are we doing so in a way that works for us? Are we taking the time to understand how we as individuals function, learn, absorb, and best produce an end result? Or, are we conforming society’s definition of how we should work and learn?

I invite you to ask yourself a few questions:
What kind of learner are you? What time of day are you at your best? Maybe you are a night owl. There’s nothing wrong with that. But, are you fighting your nature? Are you forcing yourself to work best in the morning even though you work better at night, because the world tells you that morning people are more productive? We often beat ourselves up because we didn’t get enough done or we didn’t accomplish all of the daily tasks we set out to do. Is this level of satisfaction affected by us, or the expectations of others? This needs to be identified. We have great systems and tools at our disposal, and they do work. But they key is, do they work with us? You are you and naturally require a different set up than anyone else to be productive. We can try all of the great systems in the world, but unless we take the time to contemplate our individual style, figure out the times of day when we work best, and understand the ways we retain information and the best way we function—we are fighting our maximum productivity potential.

Take a look at a typical day or week in your life. Reflect on the way that you get things done and the time you are doing them. Is it working for you? Are you comfortable, satisfied, or frustrated? Begin to investigate the ways in which you learn and focus. Think about the times of day or night where your focus is at its max. Are you shifting priorities and using that peak time to get those top-ranking tasks done? Are you working with yourself, or against yourself? And when you recognize this, do you truly accept the way you function—as an individual? When you really dig deep to understand your personal style, you can then seek out the systems, tools, and timing that work best to help you get things done by your standards, not society’s. Do not fear judgment. Remember that this is your life, these are your goals, and time is yours to do what you wish when you wish. Be flexible. Work with yourself. Make an effort to recognize and honor your natural abilities. Accept and love the differentiation between you and everyone else. Working with your personal capabilities, learning style, and unique focus time is working smarter. With just a little investigation, you are truly on your way to accomplishing even more!

Rachel Aubrey is an award-winning graphic designer, creative visionary, and entrepreneur with over a decade of experience in business, branding, and marketing. Her personal experiences and ongoing commitment to self-growth and personal development have led her to find her passion—helping others unlock their true potential and achieve personal success with her support as a professional coach. Rachel is currently pursuing her professional coaching credentials through the Morning Coach – Academy of Coaching. Her coaching practice will launch in the Fall of 2011. Connect with Rachel online!

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Underground Inspiration

By Rachel Aubrey | Published March 28, 2011

NYC SubwayI love taking something mundane and seemingly automatic and shaking it up to create a new perspective. Riding the New York City subway. Seems like an unlikely place to find solace, doesn’t it? Having lived and worked in NY for almost nine years, I’ve always found it profoundly interesting how despite the movement of the world above, the rocket race of technology, and ever changing culture – the subway ride vibe never seems to change.

Of course, like any big city with a mass transit system packed with people, you can see all kinds of things …  if you look for them. Some of those things might be culture shock to out of towners, but to every day New Yorkers, those shocking moments are far and few between. What I find so interesting and almost poetic, is that the subway is one of the only places in high energy, fast-paced New York City that you can witness several people in thought at once. As I ride the subway, I notice people reading, others writing, and some playing games on their phone. But, cell phone conversations cease. There is no service underground and the break from that alone creates a notable energy. Particularly during evening rush hour, people are traveling solo. Some are being productive while others are sitting quietly engrossed in thought. The subway commute to or from work is “me” time for so many people. A half an hour to decompress in any way that suits them. I love the idea of the almost unintentional mental break for those whose minds are running as fast as the city itself. People like me. It’s really beautiful to experience this, and more so to witness it. Droves of people settling down from the day in their own special way – collectively.

A friend of mine recently told me he learned from a Buddhist teacher long ago that you can meditate anywhere. I questioned this concept, as my notion of meditation consisted only of sitting cross legged on a yoga mat in deep silence. Sure, there’s that. But he gracefully explained that you can meditate (or quiet your mind) anytime, anywhere, and while doing anything. But the secret it to just do one thing. If you are eating, just eat. If you are writing, just write. If you are doing the dishes, just do the dishes. Don’t eat and watch TV. Don’t do the dishes and listen to the radio. Take a walk and say to yourself … “I’m just taking a walk. That’s it.” Allowing yourself to just be in that moment, and only that moment, is a form of quieting the mind.

The subway environment made me think this would be a great time to mindfully practice this concept. “Just riding the subway” once in a while. Not reading. Not writing.  Not listening to music. And with so much to see and take in, what a wonderful place to ignite creation and inspiration. A giant salad bowl of culture – music, people, art, and movement to absorb and enjoy. Imagine what is often ignored. Imagine what could come from “just” …

Rachel Aubrey is an award-winning graphic designer, creative visionary, and entrepreneur with over a decade of experience in business, branding, and marketing. Her personal experiences and ongoing commitment to self-growth and personal development have led her to find her passion—helping others unlock their true potential and achieve personal success with her support as a professional coach. Rachel is currently pursuing her professional coaching credentials through the Morning Coach – Academy of Coaching. Her coaching practice will launch in the Fall of 2011. Connect with Rachel online!

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Posted in Creativity | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Stop Apologizing for Being You

By Rachel Aubrey | Published February 18, 2011

LiberatedOver the past few years, I have strengthened my inner circle. Along with the wonderful people I’m pleased to know and call my support system, comes love, acceptance, and a whole lot of honesty. I’ve been told I apologize—a lot. I’ve heard it repeatedly, in one form or another, “Stop apologizing. Period. You’re great, just be you!” Not only was I unaware that I apologized or felt some form of guilt so often, but this “just be you” was a new concept for me. I thought I was being me? And this idea that I wasn’t was unsettling, so I took the time to investigate the deeper meaning.

Thinking about it, I’ve had the tendency to apologize for my actions for as long as I can remember. So many sorry’s that were absolutely unnecessary. I’d say sorry even when I felt at ease with my closest friends and confidants. “I’m sorry we spent the whole day sitting at the beach talking about my problems” or “I’d like your help with this, but I don’t want to bother you. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.” After playing out so many of these examples in my mind, I realized that my apologies were connected to being “vulnerable.” Ah, Vulnerability! An emotion with a wide range of intensity that appears so frequently, yet we have little acceptance for it.

Feeling and showing vulnerability is uncomfortable. Though the triggers are different in each of us, it’s an emotional connection to not meeting the expectations we have of ourselves, or the expectations we perceive others have of us. It’s natural for us to want to please, but we are also trained to do and be our best, every time—all the time. We are taught to believe in the pain of failure, and instinctively try to avoid it. Feeling vulnerable chops up our confidence and forces us to internalize every question, question every action, and rip apart the decisions that we’ve made. We punish ourselves as if we have failed and we fear the judgement from others if we dare to reveal it.Dirty Laundry

Society’s conditioning has us believing that vulnerability is a sign of weakness. Our subconscious tells us that it’s not okay to be “emotional” in every day life. It’s meant to be private or it’s socially unacceptable to air our dirty laundry. The fact that we are even familiar with the idea that “real men don’t cry,” or “women are too sensitive” is ridiculous! We’ve become so used to this notion that now we rarely show our tenderness. Because when we do we are judged and we judge ourselves with a pounding iron fist. So we retract, and essentially, apologize for being who we are.

We certainly have to be careful who we share something important with when we are experiencing ultimate vulnerability. We are super sensitive to rejection and it is dangerous to carelessly throw it all out there. But, this habit of seldom or never revealing needs to be broken and the practice of reaching out needs to begin. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with safer things, instead of not at all. There’s no harm in crying when a sad movie tugs on your heartstrings. It’s not a bad thing to admit out loud that you had a crappy day. And most importantly, it’s okay to ask for help without feeling guilty! Reaching out to someone you trust is a safe haven for vulnerability and a good place to practice outwardly opening up.

Revealing a little vulnerability actually shows incredible courage, not weakness. Strength in vulnerability? Seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? I invite you to shift your perspective for a moment and accept vulnerability into your life as light instead of darkness. Embrace the possibilities of heightening this area of emotional awareness with these great things in mind:

• You are stepping out of your comfort zone, which means new things are possible
• Your transparency could inspire someone else to reveal and might foster new connections
• You are being true to yourself, and that just feels good
• You are opening yourself up to receive, which can help move you towards action and change

In closing, I’m reminded of an excerpt from one of my favorite’s …
“As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Nelson Mandela

Rachel Aubrey is an award-winning graphic designer, creative visionary, and entrepreneur with over a decade of experience in business, branding, and marketing. Her personal experiences and ongoing commitment to self-growth and personal development have led her to find her passion—helping others unlock their true potential and achieve personal success with her support as a professional coach. Rachel is currently pursuing her professional coaching credentials through the Morning Coach – Academy of Coaching. Her coaching practice will launch in the Fall of 2011. Connect with Rachel online!

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Posted in Personal Development | Tagged , , , , | 12 Comments

6 Ways to Say I Love You … Without Saying It!

By Rachel Aubrey | Published December 12, 2010

#1 Full Attention, Soldier!Love Bug
Whether you live together or not, pay attention to your partner when they talk to you! Listening genuinely is a great way to show your love and support. You know what’s important to them, so when they share something they care about—don’t muti-task. Put down what your doing and give them the attention they deserve. Being mindful of these moments avoids leaving the one you love feeling rejected and resentful.

#2 Touch and Go
Touch means affection. It’s literally a physical exchange of energy. Touching your partner in a non-sexual way is a very intimate and emotional form of expressing your love without words. Next time you are walking together, hold hands. Or when you’re in the car, put your hand on your partners leg or rest your hand on top of theirs. It can change the course of the day and might be just what they needed. Appreciate those moments. You can actually feel the connection in silence.

#3 Sweet Delivery
You don’t need an occasion to remind someone you love them. On your way home from work this week, make a special stop to pick up your sweetheart’s favorite dessert. A single cupcake or some ice cream. Sweet surprises are a great way to say you are on my mind. Without a specific reason to celebrate, you can make your partner feel extra special. And if dessert isn’t their thing—maybe a favorite magazine or a new book?

#4 Snail Mail
With instant communication so prominent, we don’t often get anything in the mail except junk catalogs and bills. Imagine his or her surprise to find a little handwritten note from you arriving at home or work? A little reminder to say you are beautiful/handsome, and appreciated. Maybe include a clipping from something you read on the way to work. A comic. A crossword. Anything that made you smile and think of them. Taking the time to write, stamp, and seal an envelope says you are worth the extra effort. Because you “could have” sent the same message in an easier way.

#5 The Takeover
If you live with your partner, take a few minutes to think about your routines and systems. You’ve probably found a nice compromise of established chores to get your home running smoothly. But it’s likely that there are a few things that neither of you look forward to doing. What if this week you offer to take the garbage out instead of him? Or how about, you do the dishes for a few nights so she can get to her kickboxing class a little earlier? A selfless gesture like this says I care about your “you time” and want you to have more of it.

#6 Remember When
Get some index cards and write down some of your favorite memories as a couple. Maybe it’s the time you took that amazing vacation to Lake Tahoe … or the details of your first date. Step out of your comfort zone and include a little doodle for some extra personality. Once you have a few of these down, plan to hide one every other day in places you know your partner will eventually find them. In his lunch bag. In her purse. Tape one to the mirror in the bathroom. Stick one in the car next to the radio. You are letting your partner know I don’t take your love for granted.

Rachel Aubrey is an award-winning graphic designer, creative visionary, and entrepreneur with over a decade of experience in business, branding, and marketing. Her personal experiences and ongoing commitment to self-growth and personal development have led her to find her passion—helping others unlock their true potential and achieve personal success with her support as a professional coach. Rachel is currently pursuing her professional coaching credentials through the Morning Coach – Academy of Coaching. Her coaching practice will launch in the Fall of 2011. Connect with Rachel online!

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Posted in Relationship | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments